Monday, July 24, 2006

The Trend Trauma.

Everyday we wake up to a new trend, a new trauma. There is nothing wrong with the trends as long as you leave them alone. Yes i dress following the trends more or less. But I dont believe in dressing just according to the trends. I dont want to and wont wear a low waist and flash my jockey around like a trophy. So there.... the trends and the trendies.
Personally i hate following the trends like following hot girls. Its always better to follow the hot girls. Its ok to be trendy. Infact it is a limit. Too much of anything is not good..except for beer. Welcome to the funny and amazingly stupid world of New Age Trends. Here is a list of those incredible Trends which will alter your lifestyle so much that you transform into a new species.

1. The trend of self help books aka The books for the "I cant pee by myself" people trend.
The self help books have always been there. But the popularity is so huge now that writing those have become a career option and soon will be a proffessional course. the first thing we as humans should understand is that the only thing that can really help is our own attittude. The self help book does help, but only the publishers. Go to a book store and you can find books with titles like "how to make yourself feel less pathetic"(ditch the book first), "how to pretend you are working and earn overtime"(i tried this..believe me it doesnt work.), and "how to make a woman sleep with you"(no comments). the funny part is that it sells. it sells so well that the church is afraid one day it might over take the bible. For those who are helped by the self helps.... my sympathies are with you.

2. The trend of Diets aka The "starve and feel good" trend.

The Fast foods and bottled drinks (not is healthy) has given us a generation of overweight citizens. Which includes me. And to fight this, the trend gurus have come up with an amazing invention called diet. It works like this. You eat every meal like its your last one and refuse to exercise because you are a free citizen with the right to say no. You gain weight. Its ok till there. Suddenly you see the unbelievably thin things(research has been going on to verify if they are really humans) walking around happily. You see them everywhere, on tv, on papers, magazines, in dreams. And that makes you feel lousy. Dont worry, the dieticians are here. Introducing low carbs , sugar frees , zero fats, anti cholestrol etc. They give u a diet full of vegetables , leaves, stems and roots which makes you behave like a cow after a week. All that they give you to eat are tasteless or awfully bad tasting stuff which you find hard to eat so you dont. Then after 14 days or 30 days or 3 days (if you have made it) you have become slimmer. or atleast your dietician will make you believe so. So what ?? You have only one life. Eat wisely and eat well.

3. The trend of weight losing clinics and programmes aka The "punish yourself for the sins" trend.
This is just like the diets. the same procedure of eating too much and exercising too less. Overwieght ? No problem. here comes the weight lose clinics. and programmes. and specialists. and whatever. The trend gurus have found out that one quick and easy way to make rich people lose weight is to remove their purse/wallet. And with the ridiculously high fee for these programmes they have achieved that. Dont blame the gurus, they are just doing a selfless service...the money goes to charity(charity begins at home). After that they will torture you( those who joined deserves it anyway). The trainer asks you to sit with both you legs apart and with your hands on top of your head with your fingers touching your earlobes and then raising the left foot over your right foot and embracing them in a wierd manner and so on and so forth until you have tied yourself up. And then again after 15 or 30 or 20 or 6o days you are slimmer. And you have an amazingly shaped abs and neck pain and sore joints and broken bones. Atleast you have washed away your sins.

4. The trend of low waists aka The "no waists" trends.

Low waists are good. and stylish. I wear them myself. But many dont just wear low waists now. Its more like they dont wear anything on the waists. Guys walking around with their pant waists dangling over the knees and falling over. Girls who wear low waist jeans and skirts and spend half their life time checking and pulling them up. It has become a fashion to flash under wear. Infact underwear is flashed around so much that oxford has decided to change it to over wear in their dictionaries. There is nothing wrong with dressing stylish. But why dress like sluts and idiots. Dress decently. Nothing is more attractive than a neatly and nicely dressed woman/man.(PS- i agree that the no waists are sort of a perverse viewing pleasure, but i feel sorry for them at the same time)

5. The trend of "life sciences" aka the "show me how to live coz i am too dumb"trend.

By life sciences i dont mean biology. Its too broing to be a trend. I am talking about the various techniques and methods packed neat and sold to people who until recently didnt know that they were not living properly. The Fengshui, with all the ridiculously costly curios which promise everything from money to better sex life. The vaastu shastra which has caused many a houses to be demolished and rebuilt in an ugly and useless way.Then there is the art of life which shows you how to breathe properly(wow. i never knew how to do that. Duh!) And a whole parade of yoga and martial art related circuses. I am not saying these are not good. And i dont know about the credibility of these techniques. But there are too many ignorant souls selling their version of these techniques and raking in big money. And the way people are following it makes me wonder if I am really living or just dreaming.

6. The miscellaneous trends aka "Not popular enough to be mentioned seperately"trends.

Here we see the whole lot of trends that are catching up. The health drinks trend. Redbull, powerhorse, gold power et al. You feel dehydrated? tired ? try one of these. Or if you are really into risk taking try some water. Amazingly, it works. The protien food supplements trend. The party your ass off and make an ass out of yourself trend. The bust enhancement and penis enlargement trend. Although it is not yet highly popular, if this trend grows we will have people walking around with monstrous nether regions. The "I have the costliest mobile in town and i dont have a clue what it does"trend. The “I spent a fortune on this dress and it looks funny” trend. and so on and on and on.

Trends will come and go as long as the mankind is alive and the MNCs exist. Going with the trend is alright, but dont make a fool out of yourself. Adios.

1 comment:

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